I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize