I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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