Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize