she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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