if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
