Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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