soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
