yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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