so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
