yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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