I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
