im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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