i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
