Just cropdusted the office
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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