They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
