Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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