so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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