I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
