I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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