Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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