Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are the jesus of drinking
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
