Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
