a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
