The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
