I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
