it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
