i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
