Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
