Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
