i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
