Sponge bath it is.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
