This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
