Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
