You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
