pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want nice things and good sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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