2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
