Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
