I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
