and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize