we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
