I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
