put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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