He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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