apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
