I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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