i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
