She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize