$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
