I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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