You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
