So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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