She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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