I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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