he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
