great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
