Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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