there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
