apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
