Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
