I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
