My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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