Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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