if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
