All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
