At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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