Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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