i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
