But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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