please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
