i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
