why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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