Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
