my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
