If i could tip my vagina, i would.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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