I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
