she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
