really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
