Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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