Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
