Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
