his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
