i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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