My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize