I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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