You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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