Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize