I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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