haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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