Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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