She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
