i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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