i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
