she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
